Motherhood

The Joys of Motherhood

It is impossible to describe the joy that is felt when a baby is placed in your arms for the first time. I remember wondering how one person could possibly love another so much. When I think back through my life, there has never been anyone who was more loyal, more kind, or more encouraging than my mother. She always thought that I was the smartest, the prettiest, the most talented. What a blessing to have been nurtured by someone who counted her children as her greatest blessing, and loved the responsibility of being in the home. 

In the last General Conference, Elder Holland gave a magnificent talk about the influence of a righteous mother. I cried like a baby through the whole talk, and felt more committed to the sacred responsibility that has been placed upon me. 

 Behold Thy Mother

By Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

May I join with all of you in welcoming Elder Ronald A. Rasband, Elder Gary E. Stevenson, and Elder Dale G. Renlund and their wives to the sweetest association they could possibly imagine.

Prophesying of the Savior’s Atonement, Isaiah wrote, “He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows.” A majestic latter-day vision emphasized that “[Jesus] came into the world … to bear the sins of the world.” Both ancient and modern scripture testify that “he redeemed them, and bore them, and carried them all the days of old.” A favorite hymn pleads with us to “hear your great Deliv’rer’s voice!”

Bear, borne, carry, deliver. These are powerful, heartening messianic words. They convey help and hope for safe movement from where we are to where we need to be—but cannot get without assistance. These words also connote burden, struggle, and fatigue—words most appropriate in describing the mission of Him who, at unspeakable cost, lifts us up when we have fallen, carries us forward when strength is gone, delivers us safely home when safety seems far beyond our reach. “My Father sent me,” He said, “that I might be lifted up upon the cross; … that as I have been lifted up … even so should men be lifted up … to … me.”

But can you hear in this language another arena of human endeavor in which we use words like bear and borne, carry and lift, labor and deliver? As Jesus said to John while in the very act of Atonement, so He says to us all, “Behold thy mother!”

Today I declare from this pulpit what has been said here before: that no love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child. When Isaiah, speaking messianically, wanted to convey Jehovah’s love, he invoked the image of a mother’s devotion. “Can a woman forget her sucking child?” he asks. How absurd, he implies, though not as absurd as thinking Christ will ever forget us.

This kind of resolute love “suffereth long, and is kind, … seeketh not her own, … but … beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” Most encouraging of all, such fidelity “never faileth.” “For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed,” Jehovah said, “but my kindness shall not depart from thee.” So too say our mothers.

You see, it is not only that they bear us, but they continue bearing with us. It is not only the prenatal carrying but the lifelong carrying that makes mothering such a staggering feat. Of course, there are heartbreaking exceptions, but most mothers know intuitively, instinctively that this is a sacred trust of the highest order. The weight of that realization, especially on young maternal shoulders, can be very daunting.

A wonderful young mother recently wrote to me: “How is it that a human being can love a child so deeply that you willingly give up a major portion of your freedom for it? How can mortal love be so strong that you voluntarily subject yourself to responsibility, vulnerability, anxiety, and heartache and just keep coming back for more of the same? What kind of mortal love can make you feel, once you have a child, that your life is never, ever your own again? Maternal love has to be divine. There is no other explanation for it. What mothers do is an essential element of Christ’s work. Knowing that should be enough to tell us the impact of such love will range between unbearable and transcendent, over and over again, until with the safety and salvation of the very last child on earth, we can [then] say with Jesus, ‘[Father!] I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.’ ”

With the elegance of that letter echoing in our minds, let me share three experiences reflecting the majestic influence of mothers, witnessed in my ministry in just the past few weeks:

My first account is a cautionary one, reminding us that not every maternal effort has a storybook ending, at least not immediately. That reminder stems from my conversation with a beloved friend of more than 50 years who was dying away from this Church he knew in his heart to be true. No matter how much I tried to comfort him, I could not seem to bring him peace. Finally he leveled with me. “Jeff,” he said, “however painful it is going to be for me to stand before God, I cannot bear the thought of standing before my mother. The gospel and her children meant everything to her. I know I have broken her heart, and that is breaking mine.”

Now, I am absolutely certain that upon his passing, his mother received my friend with open, loving arms; that is what parents do. But the cautionary portion of this story is that children can break their mothers’ heart. Here too we see another comparison with the divine. I need not remind us that Jesus died of a broken heart, one weary and worn out from bearing the sins of the world. So in any moment of temptation, may we “behold [our] mother” as well as our Savior and spare them both the sorrow of our sinning.

Secondly, I speak of a young man who entered the mission field worthily but by his own choice returned home early due to same-sex attraction and some trauma he experienced in that regard. He was still worthy, but his faith was at crisis level, his emotional burden grew ever heavier, and his spiritual pain was more and more profound. He was by turns hurt, confused, angry, and desolate.

His mission president, his stake president, his bishop spent countless hours searching and weeping and blessing him as they held on to him, but much of his wound was so personal that he kept at least parts of it beyond their reach. The beloved father in this story poured his entire soul into helping this child, but his very demanding employment circumstance meant that often the long, dark nights of the soul were faced by just this boy and his mother. Day and night, first for weeks, then for months that turned into years, they sought healing together. Through periods of bitterness (mostly his but sometimes hers) and unending fear (mostly hers but sometimes his), she bore—there’s that beautiful, burdensome word again—she bore to her son her testimony of God’s power, of His Church, but especially of His love for this child. In the same breath she testified of her own uncompromised, undying love for him as well. To bring together those two absolutely crucial, essential pillars of her very existence—the gospel of Jesus Christ and her family—she poured out her soul in prayer endlessly. She fasted and wept, she wept and fasted, and then she listened and listened as this son repeatedly told her of how his heart was breaking. Thus she carried him—again—only this time it was not for nine months. This time she thought that laboring through the battered landscape of his despair would take forever.

But with the grace of God, her own tenacity, and the help of scores of Church leaders, friends, family members, and professionals, this importuning mother has seen her son come home to the promised land. Sadly we acknowledge that such a blessing does not, or at least has not yet, come to all parents who anguish over a wide variety of their children’s circumstances, but here there was hope. And, I must say, this son’s sexual orientation did not somehow miraculously change—no one assumed it would. But little by little, his heart changed.

He started back to church. He chose to partake of the sacrament willingly and worthily. He again obtained a temple recommend and accepted a call to serve as an early-morning seminary teacher, where he was wonderfully successful. And now, after five years, he has, at his own request and with the Church’s considerable assistance, reentered the mission field to complete his service to the Lord. I have wept over the courage, integrity, and determination of this young man and his family to work things out and to help him keep his faith. He knows he owes much to many, but he knows he owes the most to two messianic figures in his life, two who bore him and carried him, labored with him and delivered him—his Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, and his determined, redemptive, absolutely saintly mother.

Lastly, this from the rededication of the Mexico City Mexico Temple just three weeks ago. It was there with President Henry B. Eyring that we saw our beloved friend Lisa Tuttle Pieper stand in that moving dedicatory service. But she stood with some difficulty because with one arm she was holding up her beloved but severely challenged daughter, Dora, while with the other she was trying to manipulate Dora’s dysfunctional right hand so this limited but eternally precious daughter of God could wave a white handkerchief and, with groans intelligible only to herself and the angels of heaven, cry out, “Hosanna, hosanna, hosanna to God and the Lamb.”

To all of our mothers everywhere, past, present, or future, I say, “Thank you. Thank you for giving birth, for shaping souls, for forming character, and for demonstrating the pure love of Christ.” To Mother Eve, to Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel, to Mary of Nazareth, and to a Mother in Heaven, I say, “Thank you for your crucial role in fulfilling the purposes of eternity.” To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle—and all will—I say, “Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are. In fact, you are saviors on Mount Zion, and like the Master you follow, your love ‘never faileth.’ ” I can pay no higher tribute to anyone. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Why Children?

Bring on the Babies!

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World we learn: 

"THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force."

Attitudes about bringing children into the world have changed over time, and in our current culture, large families are certainly the exception. When Jason and I were dating, we determined that we would wait for several years before having children so that we could be more established. When we got married, we both felt a strong confirmation that waiting to have children was not the Lord's plan for us. So- five days before our first anniversary, our darling Jarom made his entrance into the world. We were (very) young, (very) broke, and clueless, but we had God on our side. 

President Spencer W. Kimball fervently preached the responsibility we have to bring children into our homes: 

"You did not come on earth just to 'eat, drink and be merry.' You came knowing full well your responsibilities. You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits equally anxious to come to the earth for righteous purposes. And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles. Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work. And...do not limit your family as the world does. I am wondering now where I might have been had my parents decided arbitrarily that one or two children would be enough, or that three or four would be all they could support, or that even five would be the limit; for I was the sixth of eleven children. Don’t think you will love the later ones less or have few material things for them. Perhaps like Jacob, you might love the eleventh one most. Young people, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives."

(Spencer W. Kimball, “John and Mary, Beginning Life Together,” New Era, Jun 1975, 4)

Foundations of a Happy Marriage

We're Married!

Now What?

Being a newlywed was a time of fun and joy, and also a time of big adjustments for Jason and I. We came from very different backgrounds, and had experienced very different examples of what marriage was like. I wish that we would have sought out more resources to help us to make the most of our transition into married life! Here is some great information to help you successfully navigate your marital journey!

Combining the work of leading scholars who study healthy marriages, and the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha have determined six foundational processes that are present in successful marriages. 

Foundational Process #1:

Personal Commitment to the Marriage Covenant

Elder Bruce C. Hafen described the difference between a covenant relationship and a contractual relationship: 

"When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent. Enough and to spare. Each gives enough to caver any shortfall by the other."

When I think about total commitment to a spouse, I often am reminded of this touching video:

Foundational Process #2:

Love and Friendship

How can couples nurture love and friendship? The authors suggest four ways:

• Get in sync with your partner's love preferences- Find out how your partner likes to receive love, and then do those things often.
• Talk as friends-Have daily stress-reducing, validating conversation as friends, not family business partners.
• Respond to bids for connection-A bid can be a question, a look, a gesture, a touch- any single expression that says, "I want to feel connected to you."
• Set goals for couple interaction-Couples can turn toward each other in many ways every day. 

Foundational Process #3:

Positive Interaction

In an article in the Ensign magazine entitled "Bringing Out the Best in Marriage", Val R. Christensen related this story:

"A few months ago I joined a group of friends for a long-awaited reunion. We had not seen each other for many years. Many of the group had changed dramatically: some had lost hair, others were heavier, a few were even thinner. It was interesting to note, too, the apparent emotional and spiritual changes.

I was particularly intrigued by one woman. In high school she had been a very shy person, not particularly popular with the fellows. Now she appeared as a strikingly attractive, enthusiastic woman. Her spiritual and emotional growth were equally obvious. Throughout the evening I observed the interaction between this woman and her husband, and it soon became apparent why she reflected such a peaceful and beautiful countenance. She had been blessed with a partner who was positive and supportive, and both of them had developed through the years into extremely mature and happy people.

Close observation leads me to believe that the growth of individuals after marriage is largely dependent upon the positive or negative attitude of their partner. Indeed, what you think of your wife or husband can determine to a great degree what she or he becomes. Your partner can become a slave and a grouch, or a productive and charming person. You both progress according to the way you treat each other."

Foundational Process #4:
Accepting Influence from One's Spouse

According to the authors, accepting influence means "counseling with and listening to one's spouse, respecting and considering his or her opinions as valid as one's own, and compromising when making decisions together."

In an Ensign magazine article entitled "Counseling Together in Marriage," author Randy Keyes gives advice to married couples on ways to experience unity in decision making and counsels.

"The principle of unity is true for priesthood councils, and it is true for marriages. The Brethren have taught that the family council is the basic council of the Church. Notice that they have not taught that the husband is the most basic council or that the wife is the most basic council. This council consists of both of them together. It is not uncommon for couples to struggle in coming to a unanimous decision, especially when the issue at hand is significant. Further, when spouses are more concerned with being right than with gaining consensus, 'communication with Heavenly Father breaks down, [and] communication between spouses also breaks down. And Heavenly Father will not interfere. He doesn’t generally intrude where He is not invited.' The key is to actually invite—rather than exclude—our Heavenly Father into our discussions. If we humbly work together and listen to each other, we gain the essential blessing of the Lord’s guidance...The principle of participation teaches us the importance of having both spouses contribute to the decision-making process. It is not enough for one spouse to make all the decisions and the other to merely agree. Couples achieve greater success as they both seek inspiration and then listen to each other’s thoughts and feelings..The principles of unity, participation, and presiding in righteousness allow us to reach a proper consensus with our spouse and invite the Spirit into our lives. Applying the virtues of love and kindness will soften many arguments, lead to deeper satisfaction in marriage, and build a relationship that can last through eternity."

Foundational Process #5:
Respectfully Handle Differences and Solve Problems

In the Family Home Evening Resource Manual, we learn about resolving conflict in marriage:

"Sometimes in our desire to have an ideal marriage, we set unrealistic goals and expectations for our spouses. When they do not meet our demands, we may forget their agency and harbor resentments, becoming blind to our part in marital problems. We think that only our spouses are at fault, and we justify our feelings because of what they have done to us. Elder Carlos E. Asay reminded us to avoid contention:

'Do not contend or debate over points of doctrine. The Master warned that ‘the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil.’ (3 Nephi 11:29.) We are inconsistent if we resort to Satanic tactics in attempting to achieve righteous ends. Such inconsistency results only in frustration, loss of the Spirit, and ultimate defeat.'(Carlos E. Asay, in Conference Report, Oct. 1981, p. 93; or Ensign, Nov. 1981, p. 68.)

In resolving conflicts in marriage, we must concentrate on our own weaknesses. Elder Neal A. Maxwell, in discussing how to fellowship inactive members, noted a principle important to each of us, particularly to spouses:

'If the choice is between reforming other Church members or ourselves, is there really any question about where we should begin? The key is to have our eyes wide open to our own faults and partially closed to the faults of others—not the other way around! The imperfections of others never release us from the need to work on our own shortcomings.' (In Conference Report, Apr. 1982, p. 57; or Ensign, May 1982, p. 39.)"

Becoming defensive will never lead a discussion in a positive direction. We must respectfully listen, and give our partner the benefit of the doubt.

Foundational Process #6:
Continuing Courtship Through the Years

The authors outline some things that couples can do to keep courtship alive in a marriage:

• Attend to the little things
• Be intentional about doing things every day to enrich the marriage
• Spend at least five hours a week strengthening your relationship

F. Burton Howard of the First Quorum of the Seventy said:

" If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way."

Successful Courtship

Dating: A Time to Become Best Friends

By Jonn D. Claybaugh

Courtship is a time to discover who you and your partner really are—and how to nourish your relationship.
Sitting near the end of a parade once, my family was thrilled to see President Ezra Taft Benson step out of a car that had just completed the parade route. We watched as President Benson slowly made his way around to open the car’s other door. Taking his wife, Flora, by the hand, he assisted her out, and they walked arm in arm to a seat in the viewing stand. We were all inspired by their obvious love for each other.

How did the Bensons develop their strong relationship? The process started during their courtship. President Benson’s biographer tells us that during this time, they “talked for hours, exploring their feelings about a future together. … The more they talked, the more comfortable they felt with each other.” The prophet himself describes it this way: “‘There was so much to tell and we seemed to enjoy each other so very much. … It was a perfect courtship during which I discovered in Flora a great character and a rare combination of virtues’” (Sheri L. Dew, Ezra Taft Benson, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1987, p. 88). The Bensons’ courtship stretched over seven years, more than four of which they spent apart, writing letters.

On the other hand, Scott and Pamela met a few months after Scott returned from his mission. They were instantly attracted to each other. After a whirlwind courtship, they married in a beautiful temple ceremony. Soon Pamela was expecting their first child and quit her job due to poor health, which meant that Scott had to drop out of college and look for a full-time job. As well suited to each other as the couple had felt they were, they felt overwhelmed by the stresses of married life, and their relationship began to deteriorate.

Part of Scott and Pamela’s problem was that they had not properly built an enduring friendship before marriage, a friendship that could help keep their relationship stable after marriage, even in the midst of challenges. Elder Spencer W. Kimball wrote: “The successful marriage depends in large measure upon the preparation made in approaching it. … One cannot pick the ripe, rich, luscious fruit from a tree that was never planted, nurtured, nor pruned” (The Miracle of Forgiveness, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1969, p. 242).

Before entering the temple to be sealed, a man and a woman must build an inspired foundation of friendship and compatibility. Dating can help build this foundation; but unless participated in wisely, dating can also prove disastrous. While each couple’s courtship will be different, here are several areas of building a friendship that Judy and I considered while we were preparing for our marriage. Perhaps other individuals who are approaching—or already in the middle of—a marriage-oriented relationship could consider these ideas as well. Because courtship should continue throughout marriage, spouses too can benefit by seeking to strengthen and renew their friendships with their partners.

Courtship Requires Time
A well-known maxim recommends longer courtships followed by shorter engagements. Elder Hugh B. Brown concurs: “Infatuation may be romantic, glamorous, thrilling, and even urgent, but genuine love should not be in a hurry. … Time should be taken for serious thought, and opportunity given for [each partner to gain] physical, mental, and spiritual maturity. Longer acquaintances will enable both to evaluate themselves and their proposed companions, to know each other’s likes and dislikes, habits and dispositions, aptitudes and aspirations” (You and Your Marriage, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1960, pp. 27, 34).

Building a strong premarital friendship requires spending sufficient time with each other and finding opportunities for interaction. I know of couples who spent almost their entire engagement separated because of work or school. Similarly, some couples count a partner’s years on a mission as courtship time. Although time apart can provide valuable perspective, long-distance romances can’t replace face-to-face interaction even if a couple spends a fortune on postage. Relationships and individuals change too quickly and too subtly to be monitored and influenced from afar.

When I first dated my wife, Judy, I was preparing to leave for college within a month. I did leave, but I felt that our budding relationship was too promising to abandon—so I returned home to enroll in a local school and continue our courtship. Looking back, I’m glad I did, because I now see that although we felt right for each other, we needed time to prepare to live together in marriage.

During our courtship, Judy and I spent little money on dates because we received our greatest enjoyment from conversation and simple activities. We talked endlessly of school and careers, of each other’s families and upbringing, of our individual hopes and expectations for marriage, and of our feelings about children and parenthood. We attended Church meetings and activities together and sometimes shared our courtship time with friends or family members. We found it truly exciting just to be in each other’s company.

Sometimes either one partner or both partners in a dating relationship begin to feel urgency to rush toward marriage before they know anything about each other. A feeling of urgency early in a relationship can sometimes be a red flag. It does not necessarily mean that your partner is the wrong person, but it does signal a need to stand back and perhaps investigate other alternatives. We must not be in a hurry, acting on impulse and emotion alone.

Courtship Requires Effort and Restraint
Best friends who marry are likely to find joy and fulfillment together through all seasons of life. From the time of their courtships, such couples have learned how to give constant, conscious nourishment to their relationships.

Courtship requires effort and creativity. Too often our modern world suggests expensive and elaborate dating activities. But depth and meaning emerge in a relationship only when two people converse, exploring each other’s feelings and aspirations and sharing concerns and perspectives. This kind of growth best occurs during simple, wholesome activities. After one of his first dates with his future wife, David O. McKay, later President of the Church, wrote in his journal: “Took a ride over on South hills. Saw purple [mountains] at sunset. Very beautiful. … Went strolling with [Emma Ray]. Told each other secrets. A memorable night!” His sweetheart added: “Yes, and we held hands all the way home” (David Laurence McKay, My Father, David O. McKay, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1989, p. 2).

There is another challenge common to courtships: curbing the desire for premature romantic involvement is an important part of building a strong friendship during dating. Besides being contrary to the commandments of God, physical intimacy before marriage also blocks the development of true friendship. Even the early stages of physical expression of romance can eclipse the mental and spiritual aspects of a relationship and thus halt its progress. This part of love comes after friendship and marriage. Alma 38:12 admonishes: “See that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love.” Despite what the world teaches, the highest forms of love are inspired by the Spirit, not by hormones.

Bruce C. Hafen has compared relationships between men and women to a pyramid. The base of the pyramid is friendship, and the ascending layers include building blocks such as understanding, respect, and restraint. At the very top is what he terms a “glittering little mystery called romance.” If one tries to stand the pyramid on its point, expecting romance to hold everything else up, the pyramid will fall (“The Gospel and Romantic Love,” Ensign, Oct. 1982, p. 67).

Courtship Requires Inspiration
We should be prayerful in all that we do, but courtship is a particularly important time to receive the Lord’s inspiration. After all, choosing our marriage partner is one of the most vital, far-reaching decisions we make in our mortal lives. The Lord can help us make the right choice. Through his Spirit, he will reveal the truth of a relationship to us as we allow sufficient time and exercise our faith.

Some people expect the Lord to provide a dramatic revelation about their eternal mate, but what usually happens is that as we drop our defenses and communicate with a potential spouse, we experience subtle, ongoing spiritual promptings about the relationship.

Inspiration can come only when we are honest with ourselves, our potential mates, and the Lord. When we first date somebody, we may try to mask our faults and make ourselves as appealing as possible. To develop an honest relationship, however, we must move beyond superficial appearances and allow our true selves to emerge. Likewise, we need to be careful to avoid hero-worshipping a potential mate; we should not allow our hopes and expectations color the truth about him or her. When marriage is a possibility, dating partners should constantly assess how much real potential they have for harmony, conformity, and union.

Denying the Lord’s inspiration and our own intuition can have disastrous results. Dr. Craig Horton, a marriage and family therapist in southern California, conducted an informal, unpublished survey among couples whose marriages had failed. When asked what had gone wrong, most of the participants cited a major flaw in the spouse’s character or some insurmountable difference. What surprised Brother Horton was that virtually all participants reported having sensed these flaws or differences before marriage, yet they had relied upon romance and love to overcome them. The saying is true: Keep your eyes wide open during courtship and half-closed after the wedding.

We can know if a relationship is good by judging its fruits. Is the friendship deepening as the partners share and develop mutual interests, desires, goals, and values? D&C 88:40 describes a successful relationship: “Intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light.”

Every courtship is different, and every one of us must seek the Lord’s guidance as we move toward marriage and seek to know what is right for us.

I’ll never forget the feeling that came over me as I walked up the steps of the Los Angeles Temple on the morning Judy and I were to be married: I knew our marriage was right. Ever since, I have thanked Heavenly Father for my best friend. Our friendship began during courtship and still continues to grow.

Preparing For Marriage

When Should I Start to Prepare for Marriage?

It's never to early to begin preparing for an Eternal marriage! Marriage is the single most important decision that you will make, and starting to plan for that decision when you are young will give you confidence and knowledge to get it right! When I was a little girl, I dreamed of my wedding day, and how perfect it would be, but didn't spend much time wondering how perfect I would be. I hope that my children will focus on making themselves into the perfect partner- which will attract the perfect partner!

Elder David O. McKay said:

"Teach the young people that marriage is not merely a man-made institution, but that it is ordained of God, and is a sacred ceremony, and should receive their gravest consideration before they enter upon a contract that involves either happiness or misery for the rest of their lives. Marriage is not something which should be entered into lightly … or ended at the first little difficulty that might arise. The least young people can do is to approach it with honest intentions of building a home that will contribute to the bulwark of a noble society.

Young men and young women who would live the happiest lives would do well to prepare themselves to be worthy of that form of marriage which God has ordained.

Young people of both sexes should be taught the responsibilities and ideals of marriage so that they may realize that marriage involves obligation and is not an arrangement to be terminated at pleasure. They should be taught that pure love between the sexes is one of the noblest things on earth and the bearing and rearing of children the highest of all human duties. In this regard, it is the duty of parents to set an example in the home that children may see and absorb the sacredness of family life and the responsibility associated therewith.

[The purpose of marriage] is to bear children and rear a family. Let us keep that in mind. Hundreds are now saying, and hundreds more will say—'How can I marry and support a bride in a manner with which she has been accustomed? How can I get an education and support a family? I cannot even find a place in which to live.'

These are practical questions. … I am willing to recognize these and other difficulties and meet them, keeping in mind what the Lord has said that 'marriage is ordained of God for man.' [See D&C 49:15.] And I repeat that the very purpose of marriage is to rear a family and not for the mere gratification of man or woman.

It is said that the best and noblest lives are those which are set toward high ideals. Truly no higher ideal regarding marriage can be cherished by young people than to look upon it as a divine institution. In the minds of the young, such a standard is a protection to them in courtship, an ever-present influence inducing them to refrain from doing anything that may prevent their going to the temple to have their love made perfect in an enduring and eternal union. It will lead them to seek divine guidance in the selection of their companions, upon the wise choice of whom their life’s happiness here and hereafter is largely dependent. It makes their hearts pure and good; it lifts them up to their Father in heaven. Such joys are within the reach of most men and women if high ideals of marriage and home [are] properly fostered and cherished."