Disciplining With Love

Love and Limits

Anyone reading this that knows me, knows that I am not the most effective disciplinarian in the world. I often joke that without my husband to keep them in line, my children would probably grow up to be sociopaths due to the lack of limits in their lives! I pray each day that the love and interest that I have for/in them will compensate for my parenting failings!

In an Ensign Magazine article entitled "A Thousand Threads of Love", President James E. Faust underscores the challenges that face parents:

"In my opinion, the teaching, rearing, and training of children requires more intelligence, intuitive understanding, humility, strength, wisdom, spirituality, perseverance, and hard work than any other challenge we might have in life. This is especially so when moral foundations of honor and decency are eroding around us. For us to have successful homes, values must be taught, and there must be rules, there must be standards, there must be absolutes. Many societies give parents very little support in teaching and honoring moral values. A number of cultures are becoming essentially valueless, and many of the younger people in those societies are becoming moral cynics."

How can we effectively teach our children correct behavior and moral principles while providing a loving, nurturing environment? The textbook for a class I'm taking about The Family, A Proclamation to the World outlines what must be present in a home to promote optimal development. 

• Love, warmth, and support
• Clear and reasonable expectations for competent behavior
• Limits and boundaries with some room for negotiation and compromise
• Reasoning and developmentally appropriate consequences and punishments for breaching established limits
• Opportunities to perform competently and make choices
• Absence of coercive, hostile forms of discipline, such as harsh physical punishment, love withdrawal, shaming and inflicting guilt
• Models of appropriate behavior consistent with self-control, positive values, and positive attitudes   (Hawkins, A. (2012). Parenting with Love, Limits, and Latitude. In Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives (p. 105). Provo, Utah: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.)

In my experiences as a mother for the past 22 years, the most valuable parenting advice I would offer is to work hard to see your children for what they can become, and treat them as if that is who they are now. Children tend to meet your expectations- whether high or low. When we are genuinely interested in them, and listen to their thoughts and feelings, they are more likely to listen when we reach out to teach them important principles, and to have a desire to obey our council.